Archive | December, 2016

Things Fall Apart

19 Dec

If I had to pick a word to describe the season I’m in right now, I’d choose BROKEN! That word so resonated with me that I Googled its definition along with break and brokenness to ensure it completely captured this state I’m in.


But if I’m honest with myself I’ve been broken for a long time. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel ‘disconnected’ or was truly ‘functioning properly’. On the surface I pretended I had it all together; even those close to me didn’t know the enormity of the lacking parts necessary to be complete. But my heart, soul and spirit were ruptured. It started as a small shake against the wooden blocks stacked as a tower. As the years went by we took turns moving pieces around whilst the tower grew higher and higher, dangerously destabilizing the structure. Until that day, I made a move and the tower teetered, revealing its instability and fell.


image: Whisper

THINGS FELL APART!!! It was the Perfect Storm of emotions; anger, hurt, self-sabotage, hatred, betrayal, disappointment, frustration, bitterness and defeat. There was no Calmness in the midst of Craziness, just crazy in its rawest form. These last few months I’ve been so caught up in my mess, I believed there was no recovering from it all. But being faced with the reality that things fall apart, all the time, and to everyone, I am gradually accepting the expression that there’s a purpose for pain.

In my fallen state I evidently see that life only gets harder but you gotta get stronger so wanted to share what I’m learning about why Things Fall Apart.


  • Things Fall Apart because they were not built to last. When the foundation is not strong, destruction is inevitable. “There was a man, who built his house on the sand, and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.” We live in a world where laws and values are replaced by popular opinion; the world is constantly changing and as we change with it we find ourselves adopting superficial values and customs. So when the storms hit in our marriage, our careers, our finances, our roles in society, we don’t have any solid ground to stand on. Things fall apart to remind us to ground ourselves in Truth and build our house on the Rock.


  • Things Fall Apart because we have neglected the important things. We focused too much on the bad relationships, the ones that depleted and drained us. We spent too much time pursuing activities that didn’t take us closer to our goals/purpose. We gave more time and energy then was necessary in jobs that would so easily replace us rather than invest in us. We treated our bodies badly; depriving it of sleep, nutrition and exercise. Sometimes things fall apart to get our attention and motivate us to assess the relationships, the long hours and the negative habits we have to cut.

Them bricks is way too hot, you need to cut it

Your price is way too high, you need to cut it.

Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it.

Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it

  • Things falling apart is an indication that we have burdens too heavy to carry on our own. When the things we hold on to fall apart, it’s a call for simplicity revealing something isn’t working as well as we thought it would and we don’t know as much as we thought we did. It’s  an opportunity to admit there is a problem; we need help, we need more support. It is when we reach out in those dark moments that we learn humility.
  • Things fall apart to transform you from breakable to bendable. Every time you break, pick up the pieces, taking only what you need to restore. Or you can leave it all behind and start building from scratch. And each time you build, make your foundation stronger. Things fall apart to teach you how to deal with the daily struggles of life, how to manage your emotions and know the scope of things out of your control. If you’re still standing today after facing a variety of rain, winds and floods, over time you’ll be able to handle whatever life throws at you. Weather the storm and let it thicken your skin; you’ll find strength in resilience.
  • Things fall apart to wake us up. We somehow manage to take good things for granted, so pain comes along to show us how good we had it before. It wasn’t bad yesterday, but today it is. Be grateful so tomorrow can be better. Things falling apart take us through dark moments, where the experience of pain eventually brings us to find the light and joy.


And as I write this in the last month of 2016, I may not fully appreciate the pain right now feeling lost in the whirlwind,  but I can identify the purpose of why things in my life have fallen apart whether it was self-inflicted or externally.

1) To graft me on to Sovereign Foundations. I’ve been lost for so long; I doubted my faith and had little to no belief in myself. I was convinced everybody else knew better for me. I’ve hurt and been hurt by my closest companions but as those relationships crumpled, I am constantly reminded it is better to put my trust in God, who formed my inmost parts, than to put confidence in Man because they wouldn’t always understand and they certainly couldn’t save me.

2) To prompt me to let go of things I should have done a LONG time ago; things that were constantly diminishing me but I was too blind or naïve to completely cut off from it. Whether it was a person, habit or mindset, my failure to weed it out aided the falling apart in certain areas of my life emphasising my need for total transformation.

3) To liberate me when I hit what I considered a rock bottom. Feeling weak and desperate I wanted a way out, only to realise the only way out is UP! This gave me the courage to admit I didn’t want things to go back to the way they were. I wanted a fresh start. I have an opportunity to Start Over and rebuild the pieces the way I want.

4) To teach me because I can be very stubborn and rebellious and sometimes learning the hard way is the only way to ensure I don’t make the same mistakes again. I learnt things about myself that I was in denial about, such as a dependency on people and external conditions to make me happy. Having to confront many ugly truths gave me a new perspective to work with, therefore finally embarking on the journey within to find my own sense of self and my own validation.



I like the saying, sometimes when things are falling apart, they could actually be falling together. I can’t fully explain it, but even through the tears and the tearing of my heart, in the lonely days and sleepless nights, I get this sense there’s something better on the other side and if I can only endure this season of brokenness, in time I will be complete, whole. And with that purpose I somehow manage to keep going, despite repeatedly declaring ‘I give up’. That mustard seed faith will ensure everything will turn out fine.

Ms Tola  x

Embracing the craziness in the absence of calmness.