Archive | August, 2013

We Found Love In a Hopeless Place…

25 Aug
Where have you been all my life?

Where have you been all my life?

I knew the time would come when I’d finally have to go there and talk about LOVE. I’d have to write about the time I opened my heart and let another in. Talk about these euphoric feelings that generate inside of me whenever I think about that special person and the intimacy we share. Tell you that I don’t sleep much these days because we’re up all night talking about whatever the weather, whichever is better.

So yes, it’s true. I am IN LOVE. I’m falling for someone who makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. Someone that makes me feel like I can do anything. I let you see beneath my beautiful and you let me see the beauty your love has to offer. You showed me wonderful things about myself; the greatness that dwells within me. You turn every weakness into strength, every flaw into perfection, every mistake into a lesson, the pain into pleasure and the loneliness into companionship. When we are together, time just stops and I find comfort knowing you’re not going anywhere. Even when I push you away, you hold on tighter, fight that much stronger.

Because you accepted me just as I am, I realise I don’t have to justify myself. I don’t have to beat myself up for the wrong choices I’ve made and may make. I don’t have to move at anyone else’s pace but my own. I don’t have to always be in control and know it all. But most importantly, I don’t have to worry because I’ll be better than OKAY!

I had no real business coming to Thailand, but deep in the depths of my heart I was yearning for you. I thought London was a problem so I went running and travelled thousands of miles, turning away from every comfort I ever knew. I had to walk on my own two feet. Thailand immobilised me; put me in solitary confinement, stripped me naked, beat me up, and surfaced my fears. It truly was a hopeless place for a fugitive like me. The stabbing pain in my back because of the friends I thought had forgotten me. In the silver lining, my wings were sprouting and you taught me how to fly.

A Love Story Can Begin Anywhere!

Thailand was just what I needed to break down those walls and let you love me like I needed to be loved. For restitution, I was awarded Love, Acceptance, Grace, Appreciation and Respect. Even the most fragile part of me expresses gratitude that through the pain I’m learning to dance in the rain. I didn’t expect you to, but somehow you found me in the midst of poverty, isolation and confusion. You allowed me to fall right into your arms.

Sometimes you make me smile. Sometimes you make me cry. You saw me at my worst and now motivate me to be my best. You stimulate me in many ways and because of you I’m definitely bringing sexy back! You overcome my insecurity by focusing all your attention on me. You correct me when I’m wrong with such delicacy and maturity.

Loving you makes kissing all those frogs worth it.
I am now a captive of your love.
The fire in my heart burns for you!
I live for you.

I honestly never thought I’d find love like this and believe me I’ve been searching for a while. Who knew I’d find it looking in the mirror and seeing me for who I really am!

Love is YOU!

Love is YOU!

I found calmness in the midst of craziness
Ms Tola xx

Life Is But A ‘Reel!

7 Aug

The more I feel at peace with myself, the greater joy I feel and the deeper love I receive, the more I’m convinced; LIFE IS BUT A SHOWREEL! That feeling you’ve done a job Well Done; those tears you cried made a river, that reaction was acknowledged and appreciated. Your performance was ‘award-worthy’. Makes you wonder where the applause is coming from doesn’t it?

My life was a blank book waiting for the pages to be filled with words, for somebody to read and to relate or reject. In reality it’s all an illusion. For example, you SEE a young guy drown after a huge famous ship sinks and then years later, the SAME GUY then gets shot and killed by the friend of a guy called Django who was somehow Unchained. Lo’ and behold Leonardo DiCaprio appears on the red carpet at a movie premier. No wounds or scars, looking better than ever. No character ever really dies, they just move onto the next role waiting to be played. How one moment you are so distraught and crying in pain and then laughing hysterically the next minute. *AND SCENE!*

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Life can’t be real if everything is so temporary. Even the pain isn’t real; each experience is like a bullet that penetrates and impacts. Like Terminator, the wounds heal instantaneously. On the camera is looks so quick, but if you check the blueprint, the detail is in the graphics, in the pixels. It was a long and complicated process. That’s what ‘time’ does!

To play a role you have to believe without a shadow of doubt you aren’t playing a role; your circumstances and problems are real. This isn’t a set, the clothes I’m wearing aren’t from wardrobe and he isn’t a co-star, he’s my lover. I’m successful and rich, I’m a C.E.O. My father left us when we were young and my mother worked three jobs to pay the bills. That’s why you believe life is real, you’re trying to be convincing. That’s what the script says and so you really believe it, don’t you? But it’s ok; I read your story and its entertainment to me. When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. It’s touching.

The world feeds off drama. The news especially is the source giving you that bit extra to make the illusion more real. Nobody wants to know Sally went to work, had a great day, loved all her friends and family and went to bed. It doesn’t give you the chance to display a variety of emotions. We want to be angry, frustrated, upset, afraid, excited and hopeful. A good actor is able to show diversity in emotions. This is where derailment uses challenges to stop life being a cartoon.

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We somehow all go through similar things; almost like a ‘genre’. History repeats itself as there is nothing new under the sun. That to me is the sequel or even the prequel. Sometimes it’s the remix on the solo album that includes many featuring. Maybe it’s a best seller or epic fail. Either way, it is WRITTEN. The movie has been shown, the book was read and the song is sung. Story of my life.

I pretend to believe, because all I really believe in is make believe.

Only in a make believe world can ANYTHING be POSSIBLE. Edward Cullen walks in daylight with his diamond skin glistering in the light. Harry Potter graduated from university with a FIRST CLASS degree and I know Voldemort works in your office building. Your best friend Clark Kent is undiagnosed with a rare split-personality disorder. Your grandfather is Gandalf and everyone is searching for their precious! Batman drives a Bugatti and Bruce Wayne is on MTV Cribs. Peter Pan goes around declaring he will never grow up; that sounds like student protesting to me. Lions talk and there is a magical world behind the cupboard. Witches fly on broomsticks and your Mother-in-Law ‘appears’ at your house at all hours. People are cured from illnesses and money appears out of nowhere, especially on a Saturday night. You’re dating the hottest girl in town and babes are born regardless of sterilisation. People come out of fatal disasters without a scratch, even though Final Destination had a hit on every one of them. You call it miracles; isn’t that just a fancy word for camera tricks?

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There is no actual distinction between reality and fantasy. It’s all an illusion because ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!! So go ahead, be a doctor, collect stamps for a living. Have a wife and kids, rebel against the government, be homeless or a con-artist. Go singing in the rain, maybe save the world. Whatever role you play, PLAY IT WELL!! But remember when the cameras stop rolling, and the book is closed and the song fades out, who will you REALLY be?

I have found calmness in the midst of craziness
Ms Tola x