Archive | February, 2013

“Chasing Dreams” or “Living Life and Loving It”?

22 Feb

So I posed this question to a friend and she said it’s about both! However, I somewhat disagree. Here is my reason why.

Chasing’ entails running, or pursuing, which isn’t a bad thing in itself. But most times if you’re chasing something then it is clearly running AWAY from you. Why would your ‘dreams’ run away from you? And when you chase, there is no guarantee you will catch your pursuit. No matter how fast you run it will keep running from you. I’m a true believer in what is meant for you, will be yours.

Whereas if you’re just living life and doing all the things you love, and the things you can, THEN you are in the frequency of what you were created for and the universe coordinates everything so it’s within your reach. (For example, going to Japan, is within my reach but I still have to get on the plane, buy my ticket, and work for the money. So just because you’re not “chasing” doesn’t mean you’re not doing your part)

Desires and visions are put in our hearts for us to ASPIRE TOWARDS, which is a completely different energy and attitude from chasing. Dreams, in the “popular sense” are the result of external influences and can change too rapidly whereas desires stem from within. Note, I am not using ‘dreams’ as a synonym for goals/plans. So have an understanding that ‘dreams’ in the technical sense is what people do when they are sleeping. What can you really achieve whilst sleeping? WAKE UP!!! Not everybody has “dreams” but everyone has DESIRES!

chasing!

I totally agree Willie!! ❤ (lol, at my terrible editing skills)

When you are just doing what you do, you somehow get where you’re supposed to be. It's not a cruel trick and neither is it always easy. But it is possible and then fits like a glove!

It’s just a very tiny modification in thought processing because in a race, no hound ever catches the rabbit. If you look at the term “chasing rabbits”, it implies, doing something irrelevant or being distracted from what you intend to do, and in my argument, that is being distracted from just BEING and DOING! Another term “chasing the wind” is doing a task which is meaningless and devoid of purpose and direction.

When I think about “chasing dreams”, I think people feel they have ‘made it’ when they have achieved fame, money and success. And if this is true, chasing dreams becomes this intangible concept about pursuing these superficial results, losing the very essence and beauty of just doing what you love, making an impact and ENJOYING the journey. When you are “chasing dreams” you somewhat tend to disregard the reality of “today” and focus on the illusion of “tomorrow aka WHEN I GET THERE!” How can you appreciate the scenery, if you’re running past the landmarks?

So how can I sum this up in a in a way, that doesn’t leave my thoughts so incoherent and vague?

Stop CHASING DREAMS but LEAD your heart to achieve those DESIRES that enable you to BE you and DO what you were created to do.

“Live and Let Be”
Finding Calmness in the Midst of Craziness

Ms Tola xx

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Don’t be afraid; let’s get NAKED!

14 Feb

It’s no surprise that this title came to me whilst I was in the shower. (It isn’t what you think! Ok, maybe a little bit.)
So it got me thinking, (obviously I’m out the shower at this point) that we all need to get NAKED! Now before you all get excited and stuff, this isn’t “50 shades – The Remix”. When I talk about nakedness I’m referring primarily to stripping down your layers of protection, opening up and being vulnerable.

It’s interesting that nowadays physical nakedness is associated with something unnatural, shameful and inappropriate. Before, nakedness reflected purity; it represented a state of perfection. Nobody wants to be bare anymore. People feel the need to cover up and hide behind things like make-up, designer clothes, job titles/status and money as if these things define them and validate their being. But I think it’s time for us to get naked, not just physically (yea some of you will love that) but also emotionally. Be honest with ourselves and be honest with others.

Now I can’t speak for you all, but for a long time I wasn’t being honest about who I was or what I wanted. And after spending time thinking why this was, I concluded it was because I was afraid of rejection; rejection through revealing my feelings, frustrations, fears and failures. I felt inferior, not necessarily in comparison to others, but like I just wasn’t or wouldn’t be good enough because of all my flaws. This was the manifestation of my fear of abandonment from different events in my life. So I’d put on different masks to appear stronger and keep people at a distance. But the ‘emotionally-centred’ me started cracking through. Now I appreciate my weaknesses are no accident; they add to the authenticity of my individuality.

102

I saw this quote somewhere, “Don’t tell anyone your problems because 80% don’t care and 20% are glad you have them.” And it made me suspicious to the logic behind it. In this selfish society, are people really too busy dealing with their own “problems” to be concerned with the affairs of another? If so, it’s no surprise people look for darker sunglasses and continue to freeze the icebox where their hearts used to be causing people to abstain from meaningful social intercourse. How can you experience the highest pleasure in relationships if you have to question everyone’s motives?

Believe it or not, but vulnerability is emotionally liberating. We all know nobody is perfect and everyone has their weaknesses. So why some go to great lengths to conceal these truths (or even deny such) is beyond me (literally, I’m tired of hiding how I really feel). Maybe some are afraid of opening their lives to others because they think people won’t like the real, broken, insecure person we are (how ironic). Unless you exist outside of time, distance and space, you are not really ‘self-sufficient’; we all need somebody to lean on (cue Bill Withers). Or maybe you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart and you don’t know how to get your emotions involved or how to surrender your heart. Either way, it takes great courage to be truly vulnerable.

We don’t have to be strong every day.
Tears do not indicate weakness.
Emotions are not attributes of unstable people.
Pride is a sign of emotional immaturity.
Loving first and most is strength of the fearless.

What do you gain from building up walls? Sure maybe you won’t get hurt, disappointed or bamboozled but your relationships will always lack that intimacy that is established through sharing your struggles and being bare (I’m talking about platonic relationships as well).

love

The world has become so superficial but I promise you, there is someone out there who is super special and sees your vulnerability as a reason to truly care.

Let down your walls.

Ms Tola xx

Back to the Drawing Board!

4 Feb

“When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.”
-Napoleon Hill

 Well, it’s a new week and boy does it feel good. I’m sure most of you are aware that the title of this post is an idiom. (If you don’t know what an idiom is then you are an… Google it, it’s there, trust me. 😉 )

I’m hoping to making this post as short and sweet as possible, but you know how I digress sometimes. Anyways, “Back to the Drawing Board” is basically starting again on a new design or plan after the failure of an earlier attempt. It is acknowledging that something didn’t work or isn’t working as planned, so a different option or plan is needed. The historical representation was an architect’s table which he used for preparation of designs or blueprints.

Being the English Major I am, (so I keep telling myself) I took this saying literally and went out looking for a whiteboard (in order to go ‘back to the drawing board’, one would actually need a board to go back to, right?).  And I am pretty pleased with my results; I decided on a Saturday that it was imperative to my world domination that I had one and the following Tuesday it was there in my ‘old’ room.

So just to share some fun facts; I have a tendency to be indecisive AT TIMES and this stems from my perfectionist nature; everything has to be so specific and relevant and overanalysed and rationalised, no room for error, none whatsoever, resulting in nothing actually being done or produced. So there I was in Ryman’s late Tuesday afternoon deliberating between a double A4 size board and really big board. One was too big and the other was too small! What was I to do? Leaving without a board was not an option, so I bought both boards and a pair of gorgeous heels in Dorothy Perkins which happened to be on SALE and the last pair was MY size. (If this wasn’t a clear sign that I was on the right path and being rewarded for my efforts, then I just don’t know.*sigh*)

Ok back to the board story. Long story short, I kept the big board as it was only £1 more and almost three times bigger than the small one. In order to accommodate my new drawing board, I had to rearrange my whole room. It took two days of sweat, heavy lifting and clearing junk but I’m honestly very pleased with my new room. I feel like an empty glass, ready to be filled with something new and fresh! I’m a new woman on a serious mission.

So why is this significant? Because though I’m no Einstein (when I think about drawing boards, I think about all these crazy equations and formulas, haha), I like everything it represents. I have another place where I can write my visions and make it clear. Before, I was at a place where whatever I did either failed or wasn’t producing desirable results and because I didn’t have a ‘board to go back to’; I was coming up with similar ideas, reworking the same plan and doing the same thing whilst expecting different results.

My board is a means to jot down my creative ideas, goals and plans so that it stimulates my visual sensors provoking me into ACTION. (Yes I know we have pen and paper in this day and age, but you know how I feel about loose sheets of paper. Eurgh!) My board is big enough that I see it every time I look at the door; so things on that board will be my leaving thoughts and stick in my subconscious.

My whiteboard is a PROCESS; allowing me to make plans, make mistakes and then make necessary adjustments. It gives me flexibility and I hope it will help me overcome my ‘perfectionist nature’.  Now bear in mind, it isn’t a board where I just stick pretty pictures of things I desire or aspire towards in hope they will somehow magically manifest into reality. No! The vision is just the first step. My board is PREPARATION for ACTION. The power of a vision board only works when the content of the board is put into practice. Vision Boards are for dreaming! Action Boards are for achieving. It’s more than wishing and dreaming! It requires hard work and considering the why, how, when and where you will achieve what you have planned!!

Sometimes you know these things in theory, but its application in real life doesn’t correlate with such knowledge. You have to put whatever measure necessary to marry vision with reality and I believe my decision to buy a whiteboard is the first step in that process. As Mark Twain once stated, “The secret of getting ahead is getting started”. So here goes something.

“Always learn from your mistakes and never lose sight of your ultimate goal. With any loss there comes a more heightened awareness to fault or weakness. If something does not go according to plan, do not let it discourage you.

Go back to the drawing board and pick up where you left off.”

Phew, getting all that off my chest, I look at my board and wonder if it’s big enough. Hahahaaa

I have found calmness in the midst of craziness!
Ms Tola xx